Cattle rustling was always common and always profitable for the bandits living in and around the town of Gold Springs, as since the gold mines had gone dry the town’s main wealth was their exceptionally large breeds of cattle. However, one particular group of cattle-rustling bandits was about to have a very bad day, if sheriff Texas had anything to say about it. The Red Hand Bandits had been one step ahead of her for weeks now, pulling off flawless cattle theft after flawless cattle theft up and down the prairie, but at long last the weasel sheriff had found the location of their hideout, hidden deep within Black Gut Gorge.
At the moment, the sheriff was sneaking through the large herd of nearly a hundred cattle milling about in the bottom of the gorge, most of the cows being taller than she was and almost cylindrical with fat, which provided her the perfect cover. Up ahead, on a small rise, the sheriff could see half a dozen tents and a small, battered shack surrounding a campfire, and hear the sounds of loud snoring wafting over the gentle mooing of the cows. The weasel took a deep breath drew her gun as she crept ever closer to the camp, forcing herself into the tight space between two obese cows, who gave annoyed moos and glared at her as she passed. As uncomfortable, tight and smelly as it was, at least she was getting close, and the sleeping bandits would not know what hit them.
“Howdy Sheriff! Nice night for a walk, ain’t it?” A cheery voice called. Texas tried to turn, but in the press of cattle, her movements were limited and her sight was dominated by bovine.
“Up here, Tex!” The sheriff looked up and froze. Sitting on a rock outcropping extruding from the wall of the gulch was a young-looking bunny, dressed in tanned leather and wearing a bandana around her neck. She was also holding a lever-action rifle, pointed directly at Texas, and grinning widely.
“There y’go, ya found me! Finally. A little birdy told me you might stop by for a visit, so I figured we could have ourselves a little fun.” The bunny’s smile never wavered as a few more of her gang popped up from behind rocks and bushes, all with their weapons pointed right at Texas. The weasel gulped, suddenly not liking the odds.
“A-ah’m only gonna say this once. Surrender now an’ return these cattle, or ah’ll be forced t’ put ya’ll down! A-an’ that goes double for you, Jacks!” The sheriff said, more confidently than she felt. Up on the outcropping, Smiling Jacks, head of the Red Hand Bandits, just giggled happily and shook her head, her rabbit ears flopping adorably.
“Sorry Texas, but that ain’t in the plans for tonight. See, me and the girls are pretty tired o’ you getting in our way, so we decided that it ain’t gonna happen again… Bye-bye, Sheriff.” Jacks’ grin never faded as she aimed down the sights at Texas. The weasel was frozen, pinned between two fat cows and a sitting duck for the bunny’s bullets
The shot rang out as Smiling Jacks pulled up her gun and fired straight up into the air. Texas blinked in surprise, astonished to find herself not resembling Swiss cheese, but as Jacks’ grin widened, the sheriff suddenly realized exactly what was about to happen.
“STAMPEDE!!” Jacks shouted happily, as all the startled cows mooed with fright and ran for the entrance of the gulch, desperately slamming into each other and trampling everything in their path. Texas turned and tried to run, but there was zero hope for her. Two of the bulbous bovines crashed together on either side of her, the sweaty, smelly, furry walls of fat and muscle squashing her flatter than paper before she even had time to scream. It wasn’t over for her yet however, for as the cows separated to reveal the horrified, flattened weasel, she was quickly pulled under the stampeding hooves of the herd, which smashed down on her again and again and again, their massive weights mulching her into paste and splattering her deep into the muddy floor of the gulch.
Finally, when the cattle had passed, Smiling Jacks leapt down from her vantage point, her tall boots squelching into the soft, smelly mud. She walked over to a certain patch and grabbed something, pulling up a dirty, flattened, tan-coloured mess that was all that remained of the sheriff and holding her up by her tail, the weasel pancake unable to do anything but dangle limply from her grasp. The bunny and her gang instantly burst out laughing at the sight of the fearsome lawgirl demolished into a disc, and as consciousness slowly faded from the weasel, the last thing she saw was Jacks’ smiling face, a picture of pure joy.
When Texas finally awoke, she did so groggily. Her head was pounding like a drum and her body burned with aches and pains. She growled and tried to move, only to discover that she was bound tight, a situation that occurred more often than she would have liked. The sheriff opened her eyes, and found herself staring at Jacks’ boots, with prairie stretching out in all directions around her. Texas opened her mouth to shout, but Jacks’ boot-clad foot, the sole caked with dried mud, stepped on her muzzle, keeping her mouth closed.
“Man, took ya long enough to wake up, Tex! You were out cold all night! Don’tcha know we’ve got things to be doing? We’re off to hit the largest ranch in the state today, before heading north an’ sellin’ all these cows for a fine profit. O’ course, you won’t be able to stop us, because you’ll be tied up here, dealing with Bessie.”
Texas frowned in confusion, then winced in shock as absolutely repugnant smell reached her nose. From behind her came a set of booming footsteps as something large approached, and Smiling Jacks lifted her boot up just enough so that Texas could turn her head and gasp in horror. Behind her was an utterly colossal cow, easily twice as large as any of the others from the herd, who absolutely REEKED of sweat, dirt and methane, as evidenced by the cloud of flies hovering around her. Currently, she had been backed up so that her outrageously large rear-end was facing the sheriff, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what was coming next.
“Bessie, sit!” The bunny called with almost manic glee. With a loud moo, the cow allowed herself to topple backwards, and as Texas opened her mouth to scream, the cow smashed down with a loud SQUISH, obliterating everything from her shoulders down beneath its behemoth bulk and leaving the sheriff’s head trapped right between its massive butt cheeks, the focal point of the abominable smell. Texas coughed and gagged in horror, struggling to get free, but the massive cow happily made herself comfortable on top of the sheriff, grinding its gargantuan ass over her and flattening her body more and more into the hot, hard dirt as the cow stared to graze.
“Mmm… just perfect. An’ the best thing about this breed is that the grass in these parts give them the worst gas!” As if to accentuate the point, an ungodly stench suddenly erupted from the cow’s rear, engulfing Texas in the foul cloud, causing her to wail and moan in distress. Jacks just grinned.
“Now, I ain’t heartless, so me an’ my gang are gonna let the sheriff’s station at the next town over know all about this, so they can come an’ save you. O’ course, we’ll be stealin’ all their cattle while they’re away, but I don’t see that as a problem. By my estimation, it should be about four hours for us to get there, and four hours for them to get here, leavin’ you with a nice, relaxin’ eight hour bondin’ experience with Bessie… Then again, I could be wrong about the times an’ it could be much longer, in which case your stay with ol’ Bessie here might become a bit more… permanent, given that you’d probably be her new ass tattoo an’ all. Ah well, what’s life without risks, huh?”
While the sheriff wails and screams beneath the fat, gassy cow’s ass, Smiling Jacks and her gang happily mount up and start galloping away, Jacks briefly giving Texas a cheery wave goodbye before racing off, as Texas’s body was slowly flattened more and more beneath the giant bovine butt. As the sounds of galloping horses faded away, the prairie was left serenely quiet, punctuated only by the occasional cow fart and muffled weasel screams. Texas really hoped those sheriffs had fast horses…
Story (c) Me
The calico cat did not even pause, quickly reaching into her purse and taking out a gilded invitation on cream-coloured paper, a faint hint of perfume lingering on it. The door-mouse took it and quickly examined it, then bowed.
“A pleasure to have you at our event tonight. Right this way, miss Jacqueline.”
“Jackie, please.” The cat corrected her, and the mouse just nodded, opening the front doors of the museum to her. Jackie smiled and nodded a thank you, then swished into the foyer beyond, the hem of her black dress playing around the ankles of her high-heeled feet. In front of her was the foyer of the city museum, usually a gathering ground for school-groups and historians, but now transformed into an elegant function, with a who’s-who of the city’s elite all gathered around for the event. The usual banners advertising special exhibits had been changed to hanging silks, the marbled floors polished to perfection, and down the middle of the room, replacing the usual dinosaur skeleton, ran a long buffet table filled with expensive and outlandish foods, complete with a large ice-sculpture of a swan.
Jackie smiled and walked down to join the crowd of tuxedo or dress-wearing socialites below, eating, drinking and conversing. As she passed by a string quartet providing the classical music for the night, she slipped her invitation back into her bag, where it nestled snugly between her lipstick and her handgun.
“The museum rarely looks so marvelous.” A melodic voice said behind her, just the faintest hint of a southern drawl mostly masked by an upper-class tone.
“I think I preferred it with the dinosaur.” Jackie replied, turning. Behind her stood a young and quite beautiful weasel girl, her brown hair tied into a bun and her sleek body fitted into a red dress. She smiled charmingly at Jackie.
“Yes, well, a little bit of change is needed now and again. I take it you are the one that has been sent?” The weasel said in a more hushed tone. Jackie just nodded. “A pleasure. I am Meera Stanton, head curator of the museum. I’m sure with tonight’s addition to our gallery, you can understand our caution.”
Jackie nodded again, she understood perfectly. Tonight, the museum would be receiving a truly unique donation, The Fox Diamond. The largest, purest diamond in the world, estimated to be worth just short of one billion dollars, and only vulnerable tonight for its viewing. Come tomorrow, it would be placed in its specially made exhibit, surrounded by an impenetrable laser grid and bulletproof glass. If someone were to try to steal it, it would be tonight.
“You needn’t worry, Ms. Stanton, my agency is well aware of the mission. The diamond will not leave this room, and all intel points to an uneventful night. Have a pleasant evening.” The calico flashed a brilliant smile, and the weasel returned it, nodding graciously and disappearing into the sea of wealthy citizens. The grin slipped off Jackie’s face, and she turned back to scanning the crowd. She had lied, but it would not be a smart move to worry the museum curator. The police had received an anonymous tip that there would be an attempt on the diamond, but Jackie was a professional, and no thief, however skilled, would make it past her.
A flash of white caught her eye as it scanned back, quickly refocusing on its source. Up near the other end of the hall, conversing with the city’s mayor, was a face Jackie didn’t recognize. The husky girl looked like she was carved from pure snow, with spotless white fur, flowing white hair and a brilliantly white dress accentuating her figure and her ridiculously large breasts. The only hint of colour on her was her eyes, a piercing, deep blue; two brilliant sapphires amidst a snowstorm. Jackie allowed her eyes to slip past, but she was certain that she had not been briefed on the husky, she would remember her. The secret agent began to walk over to her, plucking a flute of champagne off the table as she passed. Halfway there, the husky caught her gaze. Her eyebrow lifted a fraction of a millimeter, but she remained calm. She quickly excused herself from the conversation with the mayor and stalked through the crowds, meeting Jackie in front of the ice sculpture.
“Hmm, and here I thought I knew every face at these events.” The canine said with a slight smile.
“I was just thinking the same thing myself.” Jackie replied, smiling as well, but her mind was scanning the husky over, assessing her. She was a head taller than Jackie, and had an athletic build, skinny, yet fit, just enough wiry muscle to go unnoticed. Her stance was elegant, but Jackie could see that the way she carried herself was with precision, grace and practice. Their eyes met, and Jackie found herself looking into the eyes of a professional. As Jackie had been assessing her, the husky had been assessing Jackie.
“Jackie. A pleasure to meet you.” The cat said, breaking the tension before it could rise and holding out her hand. The husky shook it without hesitating.
“Sasha Snow. Likewise. It gets so dull seeing the same faces at these get-togethers. Change can be… exciting. What line of work are you in, Jackie?” She asked smoothly.
Sasha Snow? I know that’s not on the guest-list. Jackie’s smile did not shift as she slid into a lie of her own.
“Private security. Quite lucrative these days. And you, miss Snow?”
“Asset acquisition” The husky lied just as smoothly as Jackie. “Mostly involving art and sculpture.” Jackie’s mind raced as she spoke with the husky, looking for any crack or weakness in her façade as they dueled each other in lies.
“Well, I’m sure we’ll get to know each other quire well over the course of the evening.”
“I think we understand each other well enough already, Ms. Jackie.” Sasha smiled, showing a few of her teeth. “But please, do excuse me. I have to go powder my nose before they unveil the diamond.” Jackie nodded, and the husky wove through the crowd away from her, headed towards a side door. The calico waited for a few seconds, then followed after, disappearing through the door.
Behind the door was a maze of corridors, but Jackie was a professional, tracking the husky by the sound of her stiletto shoes on the tile. She passed the bathrooms, and the security room, eventually disappearing into an empty kitchen, obviously used for smaller events than this. Jackie slipped in without a sound, seeing the husky crouched in one corner, with what looked like a make-up compact opened and speaking into it.
“Yes, I have eyes on her… Understood. It won’t be a problem…”
Jackie pressed a button on her watch, and a small metal rod emerged from up, humming quietly with electricity. One touch of it and the husky would be out like a light. The cat continued to creep forwards until she was right behind Sasha, but just as she was about to knock the husky out, their eyes met in the reflection of the compact. Time slowed as Jackie struck, but the husky rolled to one side and grabbed a frying pan-
The pan smashed into Jackie’s face, flattening it instantly and sending her staggering back. The husky turned and spin kicked Jackie in the stomach, then, as she was doubled over, Sasha grabbed Jackie’s head and shoved it into her quite sizable butt.
“Ooh, those prawn au’durves give me the worst gas…” Jackie struggled, but the husky’s grip was strong as she began to blast out fishy canine gas again and again into the agent’s face, wriggling her large rear until Jackie’s nose was lodged between the two cheeks, only separated by the thin dress. The husky laughed as she felt Jackie begin to go weak under her onslaught, then suddenly yelped in surprise as Jackie kicked her in the back of the knee, knocking Sasha down and freeing herself. The cat wasted no time, somersaulting over the husky’s back and butt-slamming down on her head, feeling it flatten beneath her, but before she could get comfortable, the husky’s flailing claws swished too close for comfort, and the agent rolled out of their reach.
Growling, Sasha peeled her flattened head off the ground, then grabbed a meat-tenderizing hammer and leapt at Jackie, swinging.
“I’m going to pound you into paste, cat!”
“Need to be faster than that!” Jackie taunted, ducking out of the way of the swipes and backing away, infuriating the husky further. With a snarl, Sasha threw all her strength into one blow, and Jackie ducked and rolled beneath her legs, then grabbed her tail and stuck it into a power socket. Instantly, 20,000 volts flowed through the husky, making her light up like a Christmas tree and spasm in pain, her fur starting to smoke. Jackie smirked and folded her arms.
“Shocking, isn’t i- HUH?” Jackie yelped as the husky suddenly grabbed her arm, and the electricity flowed through them both, frying the dog and the cat at the same time, causing them both to squeal in pain and humiliation, their fur singing and standing on end. Finally the husky’s tail came loose and both girls collapsed, smoking and groaning weakly, their fur burnt.
“I-I don’t know… how that could have gone… any worse…” The husky burbled. As if in answer, both girls’ dresses suddenly disintegrated, leaving them singed and stark naked, both their sexy bodies on display. Jackie moaned.
“Now… it can’t get any worse…” She said. Almost immediately, the museum’s alarms blared to life, warning lights descending from the ceiling and flashing red. In the distance, from the main hall, screams could be heard.
Instantly Sasha gasped and struggled to her feet, before grabbing a gun from her burnt purse and dashing out as best she could. Jackie groaned and pulled herself up, then grabbed her own gun and set off after her.
“You’re not getting away! I-“ She burst through the door into the main foyer seconds after Sasha, just in time to see a grey cat walk up a small podium and lift a diamond the size of her head from it’s case and tuck it in her bag. All around her, patrons were scattered, hiding, or had been transformed into other objects by the cat’s special transformation gun, leaving a sea of potted plants, stuffed animals, underwear and other paraphernalia in her wake. However, before the cat could react, both Jackie and Sasha’s guns were pointed at her, both girls glaring at her.
“Stop in the name of the law, Rachel!” They cried in unison, then both looked at each other in disbelief. Rachel, not missing the opportunity, drew her gun like a lightning bolt and shot a bullet right into a fake stuffed pterodactyl hanging above them. Before either girl could react, the pterodactyl transformed into a massive wrecking ball, tore free from the cord it was hanging from, and smashed down on top of the duo, crushing them with absolute ease beneath its substantial weight.
Rachel grinned to herself, spinning the gun around on her finger before re-holstering it, then walking over to the wrecking ball, which was imbedded half a foot into the hard marble floor. Sticking out from one side were the heads of Jackie and Sasha, their naked bodies completely flattened under the solid metal sphere, and their tongues having been cartoonishly squished out of their mouths from the impact.
“Aww, so you’re the two law bitches that were sent to stop me. Well next time, maybe try bringing some actual talent!” She said, stomping down on both their faces and listening to them struggle and gag beneath her feet.
“Mmmm… Well, I could do this all day, but I’ve got a diamond that needs delivering. So long, losers!” With that, the naughty kitty stands off and skips out happily, leaving the two naked, gassed, flattened, humiliated and unconscious agents behind her.
It was almost three hours later when a group of rescue workers with crowbars managed to lever the massive steel wrecking ball out of the hole in the ground, revealing the naked flattened agents, their breasts and butts now just very large and very thin pancakes, and their bodies flatter than paper. After taking a few photos, the crew called over two medics, who promptly stuck bike pumps in the two girls’ mouths and pumped them back into shape. Sasha immediately got to her feet and grabbed a nearby potted plant to cover herself up, while Jackie snatched up a fallen banner and wrapped it around herself like a toga. Both girls were blushing furiously.
“W-we should find somewhere private to talk” Jackie stuttered, and Sasha nodded hastily”
The two girls scampered off into a side passage, Sasha leading Jackie into a small broom closet. The two girls stood there awkwardly, both still blushing and glaring at each other, until Sasha broke the silence.
“So who do you actually work for?” The husky growled, using her hands to cover herself up. Jackie just folded her arms and shook her head. “That’s classified information. You?”
“Also classified. I take it you were to protect the diamond, same as me?” Jackie nodded, and Sasha snorted. “Hmph… Well you might have at least confirmed your target before electrocuting me-“
“If I recall, you were calling in backup to arrest me! And how was I supposed to know you were an agent? Your agency is sloppy if they couldn’t even get your name on the guest list!”
“Sloppy?? I work for one of the best and most professional agencies in the world, and I didn’t see yo-” Both girls pause as the door opens, a young janitor standing there and staring in shock and surprise.
“U-ummm… I just need my broom…?” She gulps. Both agents continue to glare at her, their piercing gaze making her uncomfortable. “M-maybe I should just come back later…” The janitor closes the door, and Sasha sighs, shaking her head.
“In any case, your agency must have got their intel wrong, because I was on the guest list, and you weren’t!” Jackie frowns at that.
“But the guest list was provided by the museum curator this afternoon, which means-“
“That she tipped off two agencies and set their agents up to take each other out…” Sasha finishes. “That weasel, Meera! She must have set us up. When I get my hands on her.”
“You won’t, because I’m going to get there first.” Jackie says confidently. “This is my mission, and you’re not getting in the way. So go back to whoever you work for and debrief, because you’re done here.”
“I’m done? We’ll see about that, cat! I’ll bring her and Rachel in before you’ve had a chance to get dressed, and leave your agency in the dust-” She pauses as there was a quiet beeping sound. The husky flips open her battered but still intact makeup compact, turning away from Jackie and speaking into it.
“What. What?? No! I- Yes. Yes… Understood.” She closes the case, then turns back to Jackie, folding her arms and sighing, clearly unhappy about something. “My agency has seen fit to authorize an agreement. I am to assist your operation…” She growls. Jackie couldn’t help but smirk a little at this, enjoying the husky being put in her place.
“Well, that’s good for you, but frankly I have no need of yo-“ Her smirk quickly faded as her own communicator beeped. One screen was a coded message saying exactly the same thing, that the two agencies had been in contact, and had authorized a joint operation. “Well, crap…”
Sasha just nodded, then reached behind a pile of tools and pulled out a hidden duffel bag. She unzipped it and pulled out two dark grey stealth suits, throwing one to Jackie. “Here, that should just about fit you, though some of us are more well-endowed than others.” The husky said with a smirk, folding her arms beneath her massive breasts and accentuating their already enviable size.
“And some of us watch our weight.” The calico riposted without a second’s thought, causing Sasha to scowl as they both slipped on their suits. Soon, both agents were clad from head to toe in dark grey skinsuits, with tactical vests over the top, and a belt with multiple pouches for gadgets and weapons. The two girls looked at each other and nodded.
“She’ll be at the observatory.” Sasha said with an overly-professional, know-it-all air, but Jackie was ready.
“Naturally, seeing as her division of the museum purchased it recently and have been remodeling it. Anyone would know that if they read the dossiers.” She replied, keeping a neutral smile. The husky just gave a slightly disappointed nod, having hoped to trip Jackie up.
“Yes, obviously. Let’s get going.”
It was nearly half an hour later when they arrived at their destination. After leaving the museum they had discovered that Jackie’s high-tech and very expensive spy car had been transformed by Rachel into a tiny plastic model. Luckily Sasha had a getaway motorcycle stashed behind the museum, and delighted in giving Jackie a smug smile as they climbed on and drove away. Now, they sat outside the city observatory, built into the side of a mountain and with a large, openable dome on top for the telescope. From the outside, the place looked completely sealed shut and abandoned, but that would not stop the agents. However, what would stop them was the two of them bickering over the best way to gain entrance.
“Oh, the vents. So original, kitty! You do realise that they will be completely trapped, right? Have you ever even snuck into an evil genius’s lair before?”
“More times than you, fat-chest! So I know that they’d never allow you to just walk across the roof to the dome! Have you ever even heard of security cameras?”
“Which is why my agency has gadgets to disable them, because we’re successful enough to afford this tech!”
“Successful? I’ll show you success! I’m going into the vents and dragging those villain’s butts out here. Have fun getting obliterated by a trap!”
“Fine, suit yourself! But I’ll have caught them before you even fit your butt into those vents!”
“Fine then! First one to catch these villains claims the mission for their agency! I’ll show you how a professional works!”
With that, the cat stormed off around the side of the building towards the ventilation intake. Sasha just shook her head and growled.
“Stupid agency making me work with this stupid cat… I’ll show her…” She muttered. Sasha grabbed a grappling hook off her belt, then fired it at the edge of the roof and pulled herself up. “Even if she does have a nice butt, I’m gonna be leaving that butt in the dirt. I’ll show her how a real professional-“
There was a loud clicking sound, which made the husky pause, then yelp and dive to the side just as the two automated machine guns on the roof started firing at her. The husky rolled to cover behind an air-conditioning unit on the roof, keeping her head down as bullets sailed past.
Damnit! I’m pinned and this cover isn’t going to hold! I could call Jackie for help- No! No way! There’s got to be a- AHA! The husky’s eyes alight on a small hatch set nearby into the roof. She nods to herself, then grabs a flare off her belt and lights it, throwing it into the air. The turrets, targeting heat signatures, followed it and shot it out of the sky, giving Sasha just enough time to roll over to the vent and slide inside, landing in a corridor below.
“Heh, score one for the husky. Evaded the traps and gained entrance. Now then…” She turned and examined her surroundings, notice that she was in a solid metal corridor. Behind her was a wooden door leading off to the outer parts of the observatory, but in front of her was a high-tech steel door, with a field of lasers in front of her.
“They really went all out here… now, is this the alarm kind of lasers, or the slicing kind…?” The husky reached up to her ponytail and plucked loose a single strand of white hair, then dropped it on the closest laser. Instantly upon touching it, the hair was sliced in two.
“Definitely the cutting kind. Too easy.” Sasha grinned and performed a few stretches, then ran forward and leapt into the field, rolling, ducking, diving and dodging all the lasers with astounding grace and agility, before finally landing on the other side in a cat-like pose. She got to her feet and allowed herself a confident smirk, then pressed the button to open the door.
The husky was instantly sent rocketing back as a boxing glove bigger than her was launched out from behind the door by a powerful spring, firing her towards the lasers. The stunned agent barely recovered in time to roll under the first laser, but the momentum kept her going, forcing her to rapidly and panickedly duck and weave and dodge, her fur getting a little singed from the inelegant display, and her ponytail losing about an inch off the bottom. However, in the end Sasha rolled out clumsily back where she started, and slowly got to her feet, brushing herself off.
“H-ha! Ha… Whoo… that was damn close. But nothing of the sort that Sasha Snow can’t handle!” She stuck a triumphant pose, putting her hands on her hips and sticking her sizable chest out, and heard a loud ripping noise. She paused for a second, a confused and worried look on her face, before her clothes suddenly broke into tiny pieces and fluttered to the floor, cut to ribbons by the laser grid. The husky squealed and covers herself, naked once more and with no back-up suit. “N-not again… This has been the worst mission of my-”
From the ceiling, a giant, rectangular block of steel was slammed into the floor by a massive hydraulic piston, smashing the naked husky completely flat beneath it with the utmost ease. There was a moment of silence, before the piston raised back up into the ceiling, revealing the incredibly flat, naked white stain that was the secret agent, her face flattened into her outrageously large breasts. She groaned weakly and muffledly, her flat tail twitching in pain, before the floor in front of her slid open, revealing a hidden chute, and the floor she was almost a part of tilted downwards, sending the husky’s 2D body sliding down into the depths.
Meanwhile, Jackie crawled through the tight vents of the building carefully, on the lookout for any lasers, sensors or traps. So far, all she had experienced was dust and disorientation, and very slow progress. Usually she wouldn’t mind the slow, meticulous stealth approach of the vents, but she had a contest to win, and her agency’s reputation to uphold.
“Damn that big-chested husky… making me risk my mission for stupid pride.” She growled, grunting as she forced herself through an especially tight section of vent. “The agency better had appreciate thi-ARGH!” She yells as the tight section of vent she had been trying to work her butt through suddenly clamped down tight on her, and was quickly followed by the vent clamping down on her breasts as well. Jackie gasped and struggled, but it was no use, the vent was holding her tight. A second later, the sections of vent in front and behind her were retracted by some mechanical device, and her section was lowered by robotic hands into the room below, being held in front of a large screen with a red lever below it. Underneath her looked to be a conveyor belt spanning the width of the room, and that was all she could see from her position. The screen in front of her buzzed to life, revealing the smiling face of Meera, the weasel reclining comfortably in a large, suitably evil looking chair.
“Good evening, agent Jackie. I’m so glad you decided to drop by.” She said, her voice gleefully sinister.
“Meera… You won’t get away with this” The agent growled, causing the weasel to just roll her eyes.
“Spare me the clichés, agent. As we speak your canine friend is about to become a puppy pancake.” She pauses for a second, just long enough for both of them to hear a loud clang in the distance. “And the law won’t have time to send anyone because- well, frankly that’s not your concern at the moment. Let’s play a game, agent!” The weasel presses a button, and the vent suddenly loosens, Jackie slipping free and landing on the conveyor belt below. Before she could grab her gadgets however, a robotic hand reached down and snatched her belt away.
“There, don’t want to make it too easy, after all. Look around you, cat.” Jackie glared at Meera, but slowly looked around. The chamber she was in was a long, rectangular room, with the conveyor belt running the entire length. At one end was the massive screen featuring Meera’s grinning face, with the red lever beneath it in the wall, but at the other end of the chamber was a massive set of rollers, covered with dull spikes designed to crush rocks into powder, and do even worse to cats.
“I’m sure you can put this all together, agent, but in a second that conveyor belt will start moving, and you’ll need to run for your life to pull the emergency stop lever… Fail, and you get squelched into thin kitty paste.” The weasel says with a grin, relishing the last few words. “Ta-ta, agent!”
The screen shuts off and the conveyor belt starts to move, slowly at first, but soon picking up speed and not showing any signs of stopping its acceleration. Jackie gained a few feet in the first few seconds, but the lever sat just out of her grasp, and she was slowly but surely moving backwards.
“Not… going to… happen!”
In an amazing burst of energy, the calico pushed herself forwards with grim determination, running as fast as she had ever run in her life and slowly moving towards the lever, her outstretched fingers just barely brushing it, and-
Jackie slammed the lever down, and the converyor belt ground to a halt, leaving the weasel exhausted and panting, her heart racing so hard that it could beat out of her chest at any moment. She fell to her knees, panting, but allowed herself a smile.
“Yes! Beat that, you damn weasel…”
“Not a bad effort” The screen flickered back to life. “But you know the one thing about villains? They lie.” Jackie’s eyes widened in fear as the conveyor belt slowly hummed back into life, starting to sprint immediately. “What that level actually did was activate the room’s other mechanisms. Have fun, Jackie!” The weasel laughed diabolically as the pistons started to slam down on the conveyor belt behind her, and a flamethrower belched fire between them.
“No, no, no, no, NO!!” Jackie screamed, trying to sprint away, but she had already burnt all her energy on the initial push. Now, with no stamina left and no-where to run, the cat slowly drifted back towards the first piston, which slammed down on top of her tail. Jackie wailed like a cat as her tail was squashed to the conveyor belt, and a second later, the piston came down again, splattering the kitty under its massive weight and power, before lifting off again and letting the perfectly disked calico-spy be carried on towards the flames. The flattened Jackie desperately tried to waddle away on her flattened feet, but if she couldn’t escape before, she certainly could do so now, and was slid straight into the stream of white-hot fire, causing her to squeal in pain and humiliation as her fur was scorched and her clothes burnt away.
Emerging from the other side of the fire was a naked, crispy-fried cat pancake, her tail sticking out from the disk of her body and spasming in pain. There was nothing she could do to stop herself going under the second piston, which slammed down twice on top of her, the second time causing the increasingly-flattened cat to stick to the bottom of it and flutter down like a leaf. Finally, inevitably, despite all her fighting and struggling, the flat cat reached the rollers. Her tail was the first to enter, and as soon as that happened it was all over. With a final, desperate scream Jackie was pulled into the massive crushing rollers and smushed again and again and again, the dull spikes slowly and methodically grinding her into a fried paste like a mortar and pestle, and the rollers spreading her out more and more until her body covered most of the contraption. Eventually, with her body smushed to the limit, her mind could take no more and she slipped into blissful unconsciousness.
Jackie awoke slowly, groggily, and was rather surprised that she had woken up at all. She groaned and tried to move, only to discover that her wrists and ankles were secured to a wall with metal bands. Instantly coming to her senses at this realization, she took in the scene in front of her and gasped.
She was in the main dome of the observatory, but it was nothing like she had expected. The room had been converted into a massive laboratory, with humming electrical equipment, banks of computers and several workbenches strewn with tools, circuits and wires. However, the most impressive and terrifying feature of the room stood right in the center. Where the mighty telescope would once have been, now there was a massive death ray, held up by metal supports and with several wires and cords stretching of it to several computers. At the moment, it was pointed at the closed door of the dome, but was clearly ready to be deployed at any second.
“Ahh, you’re finally awake.” Meera called out, standing in front of a control panel on the platform with the massive death ray, and now sporting a pair of goggles on her head. Nearby, Rachel leaned against a wall, playing a game on her phone. “Good, I didn’t want you to miss my moment of triumph, and poor Sasha was ever so worried about you.” Sure enough, stuck to the wall next to Jackie was the naked white husky, growling and struggling against her bonds.
“I’m going to bury you two for this!!” She shouted at Meera and Rachel, causing the grey cat to flip her off without looking up from her phone. Meera just rolled her eyes.
“Such unpleasentness. Why can’t you be more civilized, like Jackie here? In fact, Jackie’s been so courteous, and provided so much entertainment, that I’m willing to explain my evil plan while my machine starts up.” Jackie just growled at this, subtly testing the strength of her bonds and finding them to be unbreakable.
“Yes, Meera, why don’t you enlighten us. I take it that is meant to destroy city hall or something of the sort?” She said. Meera just sighed and shook her head, while fiddling with dials and levers.
“Nothing quite so… short cited. In fact, the mayor has been a great help to me, even recommending that I hire Rachel for this. No, my plan is better than that. In five minutes, the ray gun will be fully charged and will fire a mind-control laser out over the city! Of course, certain individuals, such as the mayor and her associates will be protected by some special ear-pieces, but soon the majority of the city will be under my control, and myself and the privileged elite of this city can begin the process of world domination through mind-control!” The weasel shouted, letting out the finest evil laugh she could muster, and causing Rachel to roll her eyes. Next to Jackie, Sasha growled.
“So that’s the plan, huh? To make us all into your mind controlled slaves?”
“Oh, no, not all of you. In fact, unfortunately for you, you two won’t be around to see my ultimate victory. Rachel, please put the helmets on our prisoners.” The cat put her phone away and wandered over, looking kind of bored, but grabbed two large, faceless helmets and stuck them on the captured spies. From where the girls were, they would be able to see cables running from the helmets up to the base of the mind-control ray. Meera smiled brightly.
“When my invention fires, it will need to discharge a lot of excess energy. Originally I had planned for it to fill up the depleted battery arrays, but I decided that instead it could help me test my other invention: The Time Travel Helmets!” Sasha and Jackie gulped and looked at each other, while Meera just laughed. “Oh indeed, and I know just the place to send you two meddlers. If I recall correctly, Jackie, you were quite fond of the dinosaur skeleton at the museum. Well, as my final gift to you, allow me to show you one up close.” The insane weasel’s grin widened as she punched in a date and co-ordinates. “You two have frankly been a pain in my ass… Now you get to be two stains on someone else’s. Goodbye, agents!!”
“You’re insane! You’ll never get away with this!” Sasha yelled, struggling against her bonds, but Meera simply ignored the large-chested canine, being much too busy doing final checks on her machine. Next to Sasha, Jackie was silent, but her eyes scanned the room, noticing a few interesting things, including her stolen gadget belt hanging from a railing.
“Sasha! I have a plan, but I’ll need your help!” Jackie whisper-shouted at the canine. Sasha paused, then looked to Jackie doubtfully.
“It better be a good one…” The husky whispered back, a slight edge of fear in her voice. Jackie winced.
“It’s not, but it’s the only one I’ve got… I need you to distract Rachel. Get her annoyed, pissed off, whatever, just keep her attention on you! Can you do that?”
Sasha paused, considering her options, then sighed and nodded. “On it… Hey cat! Did Meera ever tell you why she was stealing the diamond?” Rachel’s ears perked up a little, but she ignored Sasha. Meera, however, snarled angrily.
“It was needed as a powerful lens for the mind-control ray, obviously! To think that you would try to steal my loyal servant away from me! A foolish move”
“Oh really? Then why does my agency report that it’s being sold on the black market right now? I’m guessing that Meera didn’t cut you in on that, Rachel. She just needed the cash on the side, and some dumb muscle to help her get it.” Sasha continued to shout. Over against the wall, Rachel looked up at Meera suspiciously, then started to look something up on her phone. Meanwhile, Jackie leant her face down into her cleavage, and pulled out a hidden lockpick, stored there for emergencies. While making it look like she was just struggling against her bonds, the secret agent began to unlock her manacles.
“What the shit, weasel!” Rachel suddenly shouted, storming over to the surprised Meera. “Why is someone selling the diamond you needed for your lens!!” Meera just blinked, somewhat stunned, her mouth hanging open.
“W-what?? N-no, Rachel, the diamond is in the ray, I put it there myself!”
“Yeah, well show me!! I want some proof that you’re not trying to screw me out of my hard-earned cut!”
“What?! Ridiculous!! That would mean shutting down the machine! We can’t stop when we’re so close!!”
“How about I just turn you into a diamond instead and sell you! Show me the lens now!!” Rachel demanded, taking out her gun.
While the pair bickered, Jackie managed to get her hands free, then picked the locks on her legs and started on Sasha, freeing her in no-time. The husky grinned and nodded in appreciation, then looked to the bickering villains.
“I can’t believe I’m gonna say this… Alright, your smarter than me, Jackie. You take out Meera and stop the machine, and I’ll handle Rachel.” Sasha said with a wince. Jackie just smiled and nodded, not wanting to push the point.
“On it. Let’s get this done.”
Jackie instantly sprinted over to her gadget belt, just as Meera gasped.
“Rachel you idiot! They’re escaping!! Deal with them!!” The grey cat hesitated for a moment, looking like she may just shoot Meera instead, but hissed and turned around, sprinting to the side and firing at Sasha instead.
Meanwhile, Meera pressed the last of the needed buttons on the console, just as Jackie leapt up and kicked her in the face, causing her to stumble back towards the edge of the observatory dome, just as it started to open, revealing the night sky and the city below. Meera hissed and got to her feet, taking up a fighting stance.
“You’re too late, agent! The firing process has begun and it can’t be stopped now! But I’ll happily use the time we have left to kick your ass!!” The weasel leapt at her with a barrage of expert martial arts moves, which Jackie dodged or blocked, the two of them seeming to be on equal footing as they battled back and forth in front of the night sky.
Back with Rachel, the cat growled as she looked around, then noticed a hint of white fur sticking out from behind the workbench, and a light hanging from above.
“Gotcha!” The cat fired at the light, which instantly transformed into a large, heavy bathtub and crashed down, Sasha barely rolling out of the way. Rachel laughed, then continued to fire at the lights above the husky, transforming them into bowling balls, fridges, anvils and other heavy objects. However, every time, the husky dodged out of the way with her highly-trained reflexes, dodging and weaving and getting even closer. The grey cat growled and continued to fire, dropping more and more objects, but Sasha was sprinting forwards now and dancing past them, finally leaping up and over the cat. Rachel followed her with her gun and fired one final shot, hitting the light above herself.
“Oh crap…” The cat whimpered as the light transformed into a massive garbage truck and smashed down on top of the kitty, Sasha rolling away just in time to avoid it.
“Heh, guess you really are dirty, Rachel.” Sasha quipped to the flattened cat, the only thing visible of her being one paw sticking out from beneath the fallen truck and twitching in pain. The husky glanced back at the mind-control ray and gasped, seeing it start to light up, energy building along to the tip.
“Jackie! It’s gonna fire!!”
The calico glanced back, and Meera took the opportunity, delivering a powerful kick to her chest and knocking her back into the supports of the doomsday weapon. Jackie groaned in a daze, while Meera just smirked, standing before the open observatory door.
“Say goodbye to your city, Jackie.”
Jackie growled, then grabbed something from her belt and placed it on the ray’s supports.
“Say hello to your doom, Meera.”
Jackie rolled aside, revealing the small explosive she had planted on the supports, before slamming her thumb down on the detonator she had in her hand. Meera screeched and covered her head with her arms as a powerful explosion obliterated the supports, and the ray crashed to the ground right in front of the weasel. She opened her eyes, and found herself looking directly into the end of the ray as energy surged along it.
“Damni-EEEEEEKKKKKKKKK” The weasel screamed as the energy that was meant to be fired into the sky and dissipate over the city was blasted point blank into her in one massive, powerful burst. When the energy cleared, the weasel was left standing there, scorched to a crisp by the concentrated energy burst. She blinked in surprise, then crumbled into ash, her eyeballs landing neatly on top of the pile.
It was half an hour later, and the combined forces of both spy agencies had swarmed over the observatory like ants over a picnic. Meera had been swept into a small glass jar that would serve as her holding cell, while a team of agents worked on scraping Rachel out from underneath the garbage truck. Both of them would be going away for a long time.
Leaning against the wall, now fully-clothed in whatever they could find in Meera’s wardrobe, Jackie and Sasha watched on quietly as everything in the lab was bagged, tagged and tucked away for safekeeping, both girls satisfied with a job well done. Jackie chuckled as one of the agents extracted the large diamond from the mind-control ray.
“Well, I’ll be. She was actually using it as a lens.” Jackie said happily. Next to her, Sasha chuckled.
“Yeah, well, there’re always a few fakes on the black market after a heist of this magnitude. It was a safe bet.” The husky said happily. Jackie smiled and nodded, then turned and held out her hand.
“It was a pleasure working with you, agent Sasha. I think we did pretty well here today.” Sasha smiled at that and shook Jackie’s hand nodding.
“We did, didn’t we? This is going to be one for the highly classified history books.” She said with a grin, and causing Jackie to grin as well.
“Yeah, I think so. And I’m glad we established who’s the smarter of us. I think I’ll be putting that in my field report.” The cat grinned as Sasha prickled predictably, grumbling.
“Hmph, alright, yeah… But I’m faster. And stronger! AND better looking!!” The husky protested, folding her arms beneath her breasts. Jackie raised an eyebrow.
“Really…? I’m not too sure about any of those. Prepared to put your money where your mouth is?”
“Always! I could run rings around you!”
“Fine! A race around the observatory! Winner is the better agent!”
“You’re so on!”
And so the two agents, after saving the city from certain doom, raced off into the night, both of them determined to prove that they were the better, faster, stronger and sexier agent.
Sasha growled and struggled against her bonds, giving Jackie a glare. “That’s the single stupidest idea I’ve ever heard!”
“Well I don’t hear you coming up with any better, miss fat-boobs! Fine! I’ll do this on my own!!” Jackie reached into her cleavage and pulled out the lockpick with her teeth, only to have it instantly be shot by Rachel, who turned it into a daffodil.
The mind control beam fired and washed over the town, the energy altering the brainwaves of the citizens and making them follow both Meera and the mayor without question. Sasha and Jackie didn’t get to see that however, as electricity surged along the cords and directly into the helmets and the girls, who squealed as they were both electrocuted for the second time that night, before disappearing in a puff of smoke and sparks.
Millions of years in the past, two naked girls appeared in a flash, then splatted down into the mud of a large, smelly swamp. They rolled over, dazed, then both froze, as they were left staring up at the underside of a colossal brontosaurus’s ass, possibly the largest specimen in existence. The two girls screamed in terror and hugged each other, just as the gigantic thunder-lizard’s ass crashed down on top of them and demolished them beneath its immeasurable tonnage. The brontosaurus, happy with its comfortable spot in the mud and with plenty of trees around for it to eat from, ground its butt down deep into the mud and started it’s meal.
Hours later, having devoured every leaf from the surrounding trees, the brontosaurus stood up and lumbered off, leaving a massive, ten-foot deep impression of its rear in the mud that smelt even worse than the surrounding swamp. However, the two spies wouldn’t get off that easily. Due to the constant weight, pressure and heat, they had become permanently stuck to the dinosaur’s ass, and as it lumbered off, it’s fat jiggling and swaying, the flattened Sasha and Jackie tattoos jiggled and swayed with it, now part of the smelly dinosaur’s ass forever…
Texas crept through the warehouse, her gun at the ready and her sheriff’s star shining like silver on her chest. After months of police work and investigation, she had uncovered the hideout of one of the city’s most wanted criminals, Rachel the cat. Texas had been after Rachel for a long time now, but the cat seemed to always have a trick up her sleeve and always managed to escape at the last minute. Not this time though.
The weasel sheriff narrowed her eyes and stealthily moved into cover behind a stack of crates, peering around them into the space beyond. Up ahead, illuminated in the darkness by a hanging light, was a small living area built amongst the boxes, consisting of a table, chairs, a portable stove, a small TV and a hammock, and in the hammock was the grey-furred cat. Her back was currently turned to Texas, but even from this distance, Texas could hear her snoring loudly. The weasel took a deep breath, then leapt out from behind cover, gun pointed at the sleeping cat.
“Freeze, ya varmint! Don’t even think about movin’” She said in her thick, southern drawl, every fibre of her body tensed and ready to strike should the cat try to run. However, much to Texas’s surprise, Rachel didn’t move at all, nor did the snoring stop. The weasel blinked incredulously, then walked closer, her gun not wavering.
“Ah said, don’t move, you’re under arrest!!” She shouted a bit louder, still receiving no response. “Hey! Cat! Wake up already ya varmint! Ah’m arrestin’ you here!” Texas, incredibly frustrated that this wasn’t going how she planned, stormed over to the sleeping figure and grabbed her arm.
The noise echoed around the room for a few seconds, wavering in and out. Texas stood there, blinking in surprise, her eyes focusing and unfocusing, then collapsed to the ground, unconscious. Behind her stood Rachel, holding a still-vibrating frying-pan in her hand and looking down at the unconscious sheriff. The cat smirked and brushed her long, black hair out of her eyes, looking from Texas to the dummy that lay in the hammock. She walked over to it and turned off the tape-recorder that was playing the snoring.
“Y’know, I don’t know who’s the bigger dummy out of you two…” She said with a grin, then grabbed some rope and set to work tying up the sheriff.
Texas awoke slowly and groggily, her head aching from where the frying pan had made its mark. She noticed that she was lying in something cold, wet and sticky, and tried to get to her feet, at which point she noticed that her hands and feet were bound tightly with rope. The weasel shook her head to clear the dizziness, and tried to recall what happened. She had been going through the warehouse, about to arrest Rachel and- oh. Right.
As soon as she pieced this together, there was a loud roar from behind her. Glancing back, she was confronted with a truly terrifying sight. Behind her sat a massive, gleaming, steel steamroller, clearly built for heavy-duty work, and on top of that sat Rachel, the cat grinning happily and waving down to her.
“Hey there, Sheriff! I can see you’re a little tied up at the moment so I’ll make this quick.” The cat said with a malicious smile. “I think you’ve been getting a little too big for your boots recently, so I’ve decided that you should retire. I’ve already got the perfect job lined up for you too! You were a pretty lousy sheriff, but I’m sure you’ll make an excellent sidewalk!”
Texas glanced down again at the grey paste she was lying in, which was slowly hardening around her. Cement! And quick-drying cement at that. She had to think quickly or-
“Bye bye, sheriff fat-butt!” Rachel grinned and heartily pushed one of the levers on the steamroller, which instantly rolled forwards into the cement, flattening out Texas’s feet beneath it without a hint of difficulty. The weasel cried out in fear and struggled desperately, but the steamroller had her now. It rolled slowly up her legs and thighs, smushing them flat with ease and embedding them in the cement, then reached Texas’s butt. The roller slowed for a brief second, seemingly having trouble with the sheriff’s well-formed, plump rump, but then gradually continued its advance, pressing the weasel’s butt into two large, flat pancakes with a loud, drawn-out SQUUUIIIISSSHHHH…
By this point, Texas was desperately and futilely trying to pull herself away, but with the lower-half of her body completely trapped underneath the incomprehensibly heavy roller, there was no-where she could go. She squeaked loudly as the roller passed over her stomach, forcing all the air in her body out of her mouth and leaving her unable to speak, but that would be the least of her worries as the steamroller squashed her bountiful breasts flat and continued up to her neck. The last thing she heard was Rachel’s laughter before her head disappeared beneath the roller, and the sheriff was completely steamrolled.
Up in the driver’s seat, Rachel sighed happily and flicked the steamroller into reverse, enjoying the squishing sounds as the roller passed over the flattened sheriff again to make sure she was completely stuck. The cat then switched off the steamroller and hopped out, walking round to the front to survey her handiwork and snickering at the sight. In front of her was a completely smooth slab of pavement like all the rest, except for what looked like a very realistic drawing of a flattened weasel which stretched from one end of the slab to the other. Texas was completely flat, with not a single bump or protrusion. Her large butt and breasts were now two sets of large, flat discs, each about the size of a dinner plate, and the rest of her body had become a few centimetres wider on either side, a side effect of the flattening. Texas’s face was still largely visible, poking out from beneath her flattened hat, and her eyes looked up pleadingly at the cat, who just grinned down mercilessly.
“Hehe, congratulations, sheriff. You’re now the sexiest pavement in town!” She said, circling around her to examine her from all sides, then taking off her shoes and stepping onto the cool, hardened cement before walking up and down Texas’s flattened form. “I’ve always said I could walk all over the law in this town. I guess now that’s truer than ever!” The cat tramples Texas’s face beneath her bare feet, then stops and just stands on top of her, wriggling her toes and sighing happily. “It feels good to win… Well, bye-bye, sheriff flat-butt! I’ll be sure to stop by often!”
With that, the cat picks up her shoes and walks off happily, leaving the flattened, defeated and humiliated sheriff behind, whimpering softly into the cement.
Don't worry, folks, someone will come along shortly to chisel her free. This piece of art I commissioned from the amazingly talented featuring my character Texas and 's character Rachel. Story by me.
Current Residence: Australia|
Favourite genre of music: Don't really have one...
Favourite style of art: Squash or flatten!!!
Operating System: Vista : (
MP3 player of choice: Ipod
Favourite cartoon character: Either Tom or Jerry